Its not hard to say 'NO' but the consequences are. I said 'No' but was it the right thing to say? The right option? The right answer?? The consequence is I'm left thinking what would happen if I'd chosen 'Yes'? That's like wanting to see the other side of a wall while standing on another side... Do i regret my decision? 'No'. I don't see me enjoying myself either if I had chosen 'Yes'. It does get lonely sometimes when I'm sitting outside alone on a cold floor and hearing club music thumping from inside the door. Just hearing the rythym and tune but not making out the words. I feel like crying even but I know its just temptations and I try to do stuff of my own to keep myself busy but it is hard to keep myself from not opening that door and finding out what lies inside. (( This is just a metaphor. I don't go clubbing...too young )). I know what lies inside and I know that it is bad...time wasting...mind-diverging. Too bad some of my ppl have opened it. I don't care if they want to open it but they even forget what's it like being in the previous room...and who was in it. They think its nice but BAHH.....who cares what they believe. "What they believe do not make me as to what I believe."I LOVE FADILAH.....thanks for defending me....muackss...i'll put up ur tagboard later again k...i lost ur password...n username...sorry dear...I LOVE DIAN....thanks for remembering the lil ppl...not shutting us out...n for telling me...I found out that.
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4:13 pm
Harum semerbak kasturi indah mewangi
Cantik rupa parasnya puteri di sinar maya
Cinta bukannya semata yang ku perlu zahirmu
Puteri...
Kini kau tiada lagi tinggallah aku sendiri
Rindu di hati ku ini tak dapat aku sembunyi
Entah bila kan kembali
Setelah kau pergi
Puteri... malam ku dingin tiada pujuk rayumu
Kembalilah... ku kehilangan tawa mesramu itu
Puteri... malam ku dingin aku kehilanganmu
Kembalilah... mengertilah oh kekasihku
Ohh... puteri ku
Dengarkanlah rayuan hati
Tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu
Di dalam jaga aku keliru
Ohh... mengertilah
Kembalilah...
Malam ku dingin tiada pujuk rayumu
Puteriku...
Ku kehilangan tawa mesramu itu
Kembalilah...
Malam ku dingin aku kehilanganmu
Kekasihku... mengertilah oh kekasihku... ohh...
Kekasihku... kembalilah...
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3:21 pm
Di keheningan malam
Termenung ku berseorang
Tak lena mata dipejam
Terdengar suara terngiang
Suara merdu yang disayang
Bagai kau didepan mata
Ku capai tapi tak kena
Sukarnya memendam rasa
Ingin ku luahkan kata
Bila rindu
Terkenang mu sayang terasa sayu
Syahdunya jiwa ku bila malam makin kelam
Jauh terbang diri ku melayang
Aku rindu
Sentuhan mu, ku rasa sayu
Inginkan jiwa mu selubungi jiwa ini
Bawa ku dalam pelangi
Melepasi batas diri ini.
Jauh angan ku lena
Ku rasa kita bersama
Kau bawa daku ke sana
Ke alam kisah yang lama
Kenangan di dalam jiwa
Bila tersedar semula
Disisiku kau tiada
Sukarnya ku pendam rasa
Inginku luahkan semua
Sesungguhnya kita mestilah
Wujudkan sefahaman dan hormat menghormati
Ikhlas kasih
Sabar insyAllah kita akan
Bertemu semula
Aura yang memecah semesta
Menyampaikan pesan kesunyian dikala sendirian
Kesepian menyelubungi hari-hariku
Disajikan dalam doa-doa rindu
Yang menanti kau datang dan pergi
Seperti mimpi-mimpiku fantasiku
Bukan dongeng lagi yang sayup kedengaran
Disisi cuping di setiap corong
Lorong yang lohong
Benar ku tak bohong
Bila hati menyanyi
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3:12 pm
An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me ... it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. the same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too. "They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied..." The one you feed." UnknownHmm...nice reflection I found while I stumbled upon http://alilkutez.net . These days I've been surfing the net to select doll creations from people's websites and I take the nice ones. I try to link them but sometimes, I forgot where the doll came from so I am truly sorry if I did not link anyone's dolls. There's so many things to talk about today. Well let's see...oh yes...When I first stepped out of my father's car, I was surprised because there was'nt a lot of Cedarians walking. I was thinking "Ok maybe they wanted to cut school because of yesterday's X-country." Then when I arrived at my class, I realised it was sooooo dirty. Later Mrs Low asked us all to pick up the litter and it was soooo clean. It made me think if everyone put an effort to pick up litter w/o being told to do so, the world would be a much cleaner place.Then, bla-bla-bla, my classmates n I wasted time in class. Then recess came...I went to the barbeque pit and bought the kuehs from the stall selling malay cakes. This is in collabaration with the Language & Cultural week. There was a roti kirai demonstration too but nothing was happening during recess. It started after school. Amira, Jannah, Husna tried a hand at making some. Mine turned out dots...dots...dots..haha. Adelaida and Amira also chased each other. That was funny...Aida started out making a handorint on Amira's blouse...then the chase started..haha. Then Amira hid and Aida couldnt find her so she said "Nevermind...I don't play childish games". And I said," But you started it first!" Then she giggled and put a handprint on my skirt." Aghh Aida! After that we went to the hall because there was a combined assembly.Yawnz...I'm sleepy. But must continue this entry..The assembly was about Poetry Slam. I LOVE POETRY!! Then some classes competed in poetry reciting. I must say 2S's first poem 'The Aliens Have LAnded" was simple and easy to understand. And I liked the last part where they said the aliens were the TEACHERS! Everyone laughed. And the HOD of English, I dont know her name, stuck out her tongue, rolled it and stuck down her thumb in a joking manner. Haha...that was funny. I liked when Cheryl (Lewiyn) recited. She is good. Later she came to me and asked me how she performed and I said she was damn good. She's soooo happy that she's going to Zouk. This is because their class won the competition! Congrats to y'all. I wish I could go and see them. Must be nice...I LOVE POETRY!!!Then, I went to see my Adik at his last Sajak and Syair Competition. He's p6 this year after all. How fast time flies. But I missed his performance and got to see the prize presentation only. He came in 2nd with his sajak about Tsunami. This poem was written by a relative. He has been getting 2nd for 3 years since p4. The first is always his best friend, Rico Setia Budiskandar. He has Indonesian roots-that's why his name is a bit funny. So they are always the best 2 and are guaranteed the top 2 place. Only, Rico has that special thang that no one can place a hand on. I hope they continue this talent when the years progress.So I came back to my co-ed primary school and I was scared. Want to know why? My former juniors had all grown and they were wearing really short skirts. Oh my Gosh! And they were like so Golden-Archish. Of course I dont want to label them anything but I was scared of their future. I hope it turns out ok. Ok i'm caring too much again. I'm scared of co-ed schools. They are so wild...Speaking of scared my phobia so far is computer viruses, losing really important things, getting memory loss, and etc I cant remember some more.Oh and too Amira, the metaphor below when I said that girl is living in the underwaterworld it does not mean hanyut ok. Takut kalau kau ingat macam gitu pasal hari tu kau pantang org panggil kau hanyut. It just means like leaving me.*[poof]*
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6:10 pm
Today was Cedar Girl's Annual X-country. Sec 2s started first...wonder why. Anyway the ground was so muddy but I jogged most of the way. I came in 83rd. I am quite proud of myself because I got top 100 of the whole sec 2 population even though my stamina is not that good. I am proud of Amira too because she got 89th place and she ran all the way...almost. You go girl!
I think she would have caught up with me if she didnt wait for Husna. After the race, I didn't pant a lot. That is what all the training did to me. I think I need more leg power. My muscles are not strong enough.Then Husna, Amira, Maisarah and me went to Orchard Road. We took 2 neoprints...even though I had a pimple. I still remember last year after X-country, I went to take Neoprints with Luo Wei, Syafiqah and Joanne at Junction 8. They asked me again this year but I already agreed to go with Amira. Besides I didnt want to go to J8 anymore. It's boring and I went there thrice already.Since we had not a large amount of money, we window shopped. When I entered The Wallet Shop and looked at their stuff, I realised it's not that expensive. Most are below $20. I'm thinking of getting my Adik a wallet for his belated birthday and Fadilah's birthday. Oh my Gosh! Fadilah's birthday is coming!!There's so many things that I want to buy if only I had the money. Here's the list:1. That long bejewelled skirt I found at a stall
2. The crystal bracelet that I spot at another stall
3. That pearl earring....
This is Husna and Amira respectively(but w/o the tank tops) since Husna wants to learn how to play the drum and Amira likes putting on eye makeup..actually they all do! Haha.... wait I need to find one Maisarah one. CAn't find one yet. Don't worry if i find one that looks like her personality, I will put it up okiz!
He was caught in the rain and his hair stuck to his white face.*poof*
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6:02 pm
Alhamdulillah! I passed both maths and science! I expected to get around that marks for both. I know I could have done better for both because most of my maths had countless careless mistakes and i studied most of my science like the night before. I stayed up until 11 p.m. to read my notes thus the next day I was so sleepy and had info block... I am so relieved. Safiah! for end of year exam cannot do like this hor! I saw 3 person crying when they got back their science results. So its a relief that I passed. Imagine when you grow up and you have a daughter. One day out of the blue she asks you, "Mummy, mummy, tell me what you were like when you were a teenager?". What would your response be? Would it be... "Oh, I was an average student. Whenever there was a project to be done, I would just complete it but without any thought and effort to how best to do it" or " I was the head prefact, the popular one. Everyone liked me. Everyone knew me. I got straight A's." or "I couldn't care less to the people who I did not know. My school life consisted of me, myself and I. Plus my friends of course. How can I forget my dear friends". Think about it... Would you want to tell her the truth? Would you really want to tell her the WHOLE truth? What if your history was embarrasing and you wouldn't want her to grow up and behave or have a mindset like you when you were young. Of course if your reply would be "I was a head prefact-one", go on and tell her! Be a good role model...But if its not?.....I'm not saying that you should be a head prefact or what but good if you can! Haha....I'm just saying, make your life worthwhile. Do something that you can be proud of in the future and not be embarassed about.I dislike technical stuff! Clearly I'm not a tech geek. Machie creates problems but where would we be without them? This blogger....my computer has translated it all to chinese without my permission! And I can't translate it back! I just dont understand what it means...!!! I havent pro my Chinese classes yet!! And at blogskins, I cant see the pics!!! How irritating!!...General statements:I don't like Golden Arcs.He looked sooo tall today and yesterday...my matmanchidure...I love to dance!!!I love Fadilah!!!I added some new things on my sidebar, scroll downDalam suka dan duka muzik selalu muzik selalu menemaniku, muzik tidak mengenal kasta, golongan dan status. muzik adalah sebahagian dari hidup seperti bisikan desiran ombak, rintihan gerimis, gesekan suara daun-daun dan ranting yang dihembuskan angin.Muzik sudah tercipta untuk menemani kehidupan sejak Pencipta Kita berkata "Jadilah Dunia". I hate Superficiality and fakeness- unsincerity.
And gossip. I'm trying my best not to gossip
Tomorrow is cross-country at macritchie reservoir...Running running...When I say Amila its Amila and not Amira. Amila is from 2H. TO clear anyone's doubt.I am featuring an image of the day and/or quote of the day now everytime i do an entry.Image of the day: 
I imagine Adelaida like this one day...hahapoof*
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9:04 pm
Today was my Science exam and I discovered that I did not have enough preparation! I was sleepy and had info-block. Later, Rudihra told me that I finished my Science so fast and I was like "Really?". If I pass I'm just going to accept that face. In fact, I should be relieved! That paper was not well done. My Maths on the otherhand I believe was quite well done. I only hope that I did not have any careless mistake--or too much of it, but that is almost impossible.
After that we did the props for history pageant. Then went to Junction8 to take neos. The 8 of us squeezed in one booth. haha!
Irdayu lost her handphone on bus no. 8. Then she and Shakila went to the interchange to search for it but they believe it to be stolen. She had put it oh her lap and she did not fall asleep. So maybe it had dropped off her lap and some stranger dicreetly took it. I just hope she finds it. I remember that time when I lost my mother's handphone. Oh it was a terrible disaster! It fell out of my pocket while I was sitting on the bus. Wept my head off...
*poof and tired n sleepy*
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5:58 pm
I am open yet conservative. I hold strong to my values and beliefs. I am rarely swayed. Yet sometimes I think to myself, what is the point of doing so? Why can't I just be wild and free and not care about a thing in the world? Problem is I do care. I do. I can't just let go of what I believe is right to make myself more contented. Maybe this is my destiny. I just have to find the one then, I'll be alright. Problem is, how long do I have to wait? I know I'm picky, I'm fickle but I have to find the right one for me. If I be "...like Lady Copper-Locks Bartelmy and squeal everytime I see a spider and have
nothing in my head except how white my skin is and how shiny my hair is and
whether some idotic young gentleman is writing some stupid sonnets at my
chest..."
then that won't be me! I'm not that kinda girl! I would be crossing all my values. In fact, I'm quite disgusted at girls who discuss boys like they are baseball cards "...because they are liable to ruin their own lives for a pretty locket and some
bad verse..."
Not like that conversation I had with Amila on bus no. 65. It was enlightening. A good exchange of opinions on the topics concerning us most. I'm now not sure if I should publish this entry. For those ppl who are like the ones I described above, I'm sorry if I have hurt you, this is just an opinion. You may be thinking "whatever....whatever(insert here)" but I do like *matmanchidures. I cant help it. I've taken a liking to them instead of *mabois. I'm quite sorry and sad that I "let go of a girl while she was drowning in a pool". I was not strong enough. This is a metaphor. Now she'll keep drowning and I don't know when she will resurface but maybe if she's happy in that underwaterworld of hers, I should just leave the lake and move on. Actually, I let go of two girls. I just give up hope on the other one!She professes to something but she does not show it. I told her but she does not change. I am very sad and it is very tiring. That is my problem-as quoted by my father, " I care too much". Is it wrong to do that? I hope one day they remember and become enlightened-see themselves in a mirror and really ask themselves. Then they will walk on the path that is right but full of thorns. I am sad. This is very tiring and exhausting. That is my problem-- as quoted from my father," You care too much!". But what would happen if I don't care at all? If I just kick my conscience away? I've tried it...it made me feel guilty--like a bad apple eating itself from inside.Things I learnt this week so far: 1.Just be grateful you have something --at least you are contented with it.2.You have to work with new people once in a while --its refreshing.3.You have to be brave to speak up to get across what you want to say-- it is your right.* all words underlined and with an (*) are coded words which only I know what it means unless I wish to disclose this bit of info to you. quotes came from The Lady Grace Mysteries: Asassin by Patricia Finney.
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4:50 pm
I'm so stressed!! Tomorrow's Maths exam n the next day is Science den haf to stay bak n do History Pageant props den Malay Project Powerpoint...AADGGH! n i feel sooo unprepared!! My blog is not nice now...YET! i promise dat i will revamp it kkz. After the exams. So what am i doing here now! I cant resist! The computer is always calling me to it..."Safiah....Safiah....come n waste ur time with me"., beckoning me like an evil devil.Oh i juz remembered..HAPPY BIRTHDAY Geraldine and Jannah. Thanks for the sweets Jan. Last saturday, me, Sarah J., Rupini, Shruti met up to discuss the History Pageant. That was a memorable Saturday. We played with the compost heap turner, threw water bottles, screamed, shouted, stamped our foots and made riot-era sounds. Then, Rupini made this cool effect with her casette recorder. She made Sarah's voice high pitched n fast like u hear on cartoon phonecalls and low n slow like flashback type voices. it made Sarah's voice sound like a man. Haha! It was sooo funny..! I enjoyed myself loads man! It was a nice change to work with new ppl. Then I had to go home at 9 for tuition. Geraldine was late cos Sarah said that she was running 2.4 km. Really G.C. you never stop running!!
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7:55 pm
