N U R S A F I A H

Monday, October 30, 2006/

RAYA @ 9:15 pm

Berlalulah sudah Ramadhan
Sebulan berpuasa
TIba Syawal kita raikan
Dengan rasa gembira
WHEEPEE!

Following tradition, first thing in the morning we go to Tuk Limah's house. Sadly, Mak Long and family couldn't come as they still have exams. But we met Cik Jamal and family. Diyanah FEELS friendly cos she gave me a BIG WIDE GENUINE smile! haha. Sometimes I'm sad that I'm not closer to more of my dad's relatives. Haiz.. what to do,...we can;t get everything we watnt..

ME, IRA &YATI. Amboi amboi...adik sungguh bergaya.

Me, Hayati(Yati), Humairah(ira) and Adik (HAIRI). Don't me and Ira look alike?? haha

As always, after visiting Tuk Limah's house, got Tok Ijan's(Hezan) house. We were the second family WOOHHOO! for once. Then the rest came. I think now that Amirah my cuz has joined the Cedar family, I feel clsoer to her. Alahh dulu pun close but now got more things to talk about. Biaselah dua-dua mulut ringan jugak. Hahaha. Faris Hezan celebrated his first Raya by screaming out LOUD.. AAGHH! haha. Kesian lah Cik Tina. I became the photographer of the day, snapping away. Catching some sad sniffing moments which are too tender to be displayed to the world.

Don;t they look alike? Father and Son. Ayah Cik and Faris Hezan

OOOH Faris Hezan's first duit Raya dari Tuk Hezan. Took a long time for him to take it. Hahaha. So farnie..

All the GIRLS of the 3rd generation except young Haida who REFUSED to join us.

Semua Cucu Tuk dan Opah..all us 20 grandchildren! WHOO!!

Then comes the family potraits. BEHIND THE SCENES- Main photographers: Bapak(taking pic in purple) and Ayah Lop (in the pic, holding his songkok) and me taking Candid shots!!! OOPS i fogot to take pics of the FOOD!!!! aaah. hahha. nvm still got nxt yr...insyaallahh.. doa doakan yer.

Alias family

The WHOLE BIG EXTENDED family

So First Day Raya, I only went to these 2 houses. After that my family went home and it was the first time we reached home so early for a FIRST DAY RAYA night.

Second Day Raya, I skipped school because there was nothing of utter importance that required my being there. Anyway I wanted to laze around and help Mak finish with our house. We went to eat mee goreng merah at Haig Road which was so empty. Then Mak bought Orchids. THen we went to Tuk Ijan's house again. HAHA. SURPRISE!!! It's US AGAIN!!!

Third Day Raya-The day after that I got back my results and my report book. Ok lahh ah. But got a lot of things to improve on. ESPECIALLY MATHS AND SCIENCE. Pssst if there is a Triple Science Stream why is there not a Triple Humanities Stream??? aghh to the maxx lahh. That night, Mak Chor came to our place.

Fourth Day Raya- We went to Ayah War's place. AYAM PANGGANG YUM YUM!!! PASTA!!! GARLIC BREAD!!! WOO HOO! As usual, everytime I'm at Najihah's I borrow loads of her books cos she got a ready supply of new stock..haha right. THis time I borrow 7 from her and 1 from Naif. OOH PUAS HATI>>>THANKS!!! Then we went to Ayah Wam's house. He will be an Australian PR, permanent resident because he bought over a newspaper company over there.

at ayah wam's house. top doing twisties- nadiah. between me and sabrina- Farah. Insisted to do that pose. and it hurt cos she jumped on us from the stairs..hahahahah..

Nadiah twisty version 1.0

Nadiah version 2.0

Nadiah version 3.0

and her elder sister follows suit

5th Day RAYA. Ayah Bong's family open house...woo hoo. Got talking farnie things with Azmi, Kak Noi, Amirah, Bapak. Haha. Sat in one big circle in the middle of the room. Farah is obsessed with sitting on my lap. Nadiah is obsessed with following Chae Gyung, the Crown Princess from Princess Hours/GOoNG. She's always doing twisties when I take her pictures. Haiz... She is also currently obsessed with the MY HEART song sang by IrwanSHAH and ACHA from the movie HEART. She's not along BTW. Fadilah and Sadelena were heard screaming their hearts out to the song MY HEART...ahahaha at the road leading to Potong Pasir MRT station..

THen the next day Ayah Lop pula got open house. WOO. NORTH INDIAN FOOD GALORE!!! Naan. Tandoori. Briyani. Aaah. But alas, I was not that hungry. But Faris Hezan smiled a lot this time. He even LAUGHED!! so rare. hahah. And makchor taught ayah cik how to make him laugh more. hahha. what lah ayah cik....dunno how to swing faris. At night we went to Nenek Ana, my grandaunt's house at Yishun.

Faris Hezan is clearly the centre of attention!

FARis on FARah's lap

Nadiah wants a turn too!! And Adik just wants to make MONSTER faces at him.

That night, I couldn't sleep because I was worried I didn't know enough for my Malay O Levels the next day. So i stayed up until 11.30pm to read through my stuff. Then I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I tossed and turned. But it was already 12.50. One hour passed and I was too worried. Then I read my book. THen that didn't help so I listened to my mp3. I forgot which came first, mp3 or book. After which my nerves were calmed. I slept at 2 am. I was so worried that I would be too tired to think the next day.

Anyways, now the paper is over and I am relieved because I think it was easy but I can't say anything too much yet. I don;t know what will happen right. All I can do now is just pray. But after the exam, Fadilah, Shahini, Sadelena and me went to the newly opened, biggest shopping mall in Singapore yet, VIVOCITY. It has great potential....it's LJS ahh....bad service man cos havent stock yet. but I'm glad I bought the grilled Cajun because now got no selera to makan since im so beat out. I saw Shahrena and Elsie. THey have a meeting and Shahrena said I was "GALLIVANTING" woohhoo.. hahaha. I told them I wanted to help out in Childaid...whee can't wait lahhh. i hope still can get free tix which i have promised to Muu since she loves that Nathan Hartono so mucho and he'll be performing.

seems like me and Fadilaj got caught up with the GooNG craze too. Haha... Who can NOT be addicted to Princess Hours mannn!

I'm waiting for Sade to gimme her cam's pics. Shahini, sorry...my pics all poses of your faces that i know you woudn;t want me to post unless you want to sue me. so don't be hurt. YET. muahaha LOOVESS

I'm so tired nowww. I wanna watch STEP UP feat HOTtie Channing Tatum coming out in NOV3. haha. I'm a bit da surprised that most of my friends dunno his name. hahah. makes me the rare pioneer. Shahini is trying hard to get free tix for the preview by smsing in to the 8days quiz. 75 lucky ppl will get the tix. I made her promise she'll ask me to go if she gets TIX but i know she will give it to her sis....

Ok..there's HIKMAH now but I'm so beat. Jalan Raya with netballers frm sec 1-3 is on the way to being sucessfully carried out. The message is in the air now. Thanks to Fadilah.

a lyfe* like mine-; 9:15 pm

Sunday, October 22, 2006/

ramadhan @ 1:21 am

This Ramadhan wasn't too fulifilling. Most of it was spent on studying for exams, getting stressed due to it thus leading to major breakout on the forehead. But it was the first time I solat terawih 20 rakaat with the very long bacaan at Masjid Al-Kaff.

And there was Dreams and Teams which I think, no offense to Jannah dear, was hopelessly disorganised due to undefined instructions and roles to specific people. And misjudgement of manpower: enough or not enough? I seriously have to rethink doing this for a feature for next year's INK. But since they asked and it IS still a BIG news event (foreign delegates from Thailand and UK), I have no choice.

I stayed and participated for the first part and withdrew quietly after feeling unwanted. Hey, I WANTED to do all I can but I didn't know WHAT to do and no one wanted to tell me. I felt like no one CARED whether I helped or not so I reasoned that my help was not needed thus I made a peaceful exit. This camp thing made Fatmah pissed- but she's always like that, no worries. It made Mdm Faridah hot tempered- people couldn't ask her anything w/o getting a bad feeling that she hates you. IT made Jannah angry. I saw the foreigners feeling bored. Even the p6 campers were bored.

This dreams and teams camp was held to introduce and promote CEDAR GIRLS' to the potential cedarians-p6 students. So cos it was Dreams and Teams, an international community, we invited our sister school's Dreams and Teams team, St Edmund Girls' from UK to help us organise it and also Sriwithaya and Chak Ka Thorn(stg liddat) frm Thailand. I helped to be the photographer the first day they came to Cedar. I was under Public Relations Unit. I with my other sec 3 mates helped teach them campfire dances and some games. But I didn't sleep over nor attend the campfire. It was just during Ramadhan, I had no spirit to be so involved in worldy stuff. haha

THe only part I loved about it was the part where the schools had a presentation on what they do in their schools for Dreams and Teams. My favourite was the Chaka thorn school. The girl presenter was sooo polite and gracious. Then, they had a dance performance complete with costumes for the girls and the 5 boys. The boys sat one corner and sang and played the flute and the girls danced. Then both Thai schools combined and firstly danced together to some traditional Thai music like the Loikratong. And the boys were stiff in dancing. But they tried and were not ashamed. However, there was this one boy, NOOK, who could dance very well, imagine a boy adncing to the moves of the malay dance. very fluid. Then they taught our school the FUN dances they do in their school. There was one I loved soooo much. the chicken dance but I can't remember the words. I know there's one part which goes left, right and then HOT CHICKEN, HOT CHICKEN. Nook was telling everyone to stand up again and again and he did the dance with so much viour and happiness. Hahah. All the thai people did. THey look so HAPPY, like they were having so much fun. Which I din't see throughout the rest of the camp.
I was doing it with Charlene and Zona and Louise. Charlene and Zona totally destroyed the dance by turning it into Big Chicken, Small Chicken to replace the thai words that they used. I was with them throughout the day watching "Remembering the Titans" as a school in the hall.
And Mr Tharman Shanmugaratnam came to our school and the Thai's danced for him. And we cheered for him. ahhha. Cedarians feeling happy.

Then during the week-long marking days break, there was Malay Remedial. I didn't attend the first day cos I woke up late and Fadi, Sade and Shahini were not coming. I attended the second day and Cikgu gave us LOTS of practice. I found out that there was a workshop by Cikgu Karmin who teaches WELL on the first day and because I missed it, I have to attend it on the Monday when school opened. I see this as a blessing in disguise because those who came didn't get performances by Cikgu Karmin and his group, Ulambra(or stg liddat) which consisted of him singing and Eddie on guitar( he's supposed to have won best newcomer and most potential Singapore artiste at some Anugerah Awards that was shown on Suria, quite grand) but why is he in such a small scale grp doing performances in a COMPUTER LAB instead of being in a RECORDING STUDIO recording his album??? But I must say that his guitar playing is well DONE!! One part he was playing the blues on solo, then he sniffled and my seniors went "ANTI-CLIMAX LAH hahaha". Then he laughed. I think he has a great personality. As in not sombong or whatever but we all know that he has mixed blood AND looks not too bad AND can play well AND has won an reknowned award. Well done man, well done. Loved that day.

Also during the break, i break fasted one of the days with my primary school friends, Shila, Nana, Adli, Danial and Rachel at Esplanade. All of us finished our exams except Dian so she couldn't make it. It was nice lah....ok. We walked so far to make it for Maghrib at Clarke Quay's mosque. Sounded very Indian the name. Burned a lot of calories and saw some nice architecture and sights. After that, watched some performances by BEATS SOCIETY. Fell in love with Freaky Z's performance and presence on stage. Saw Imran Ajmain himself..."sayang yang sudah tu sudah..." A lot of dance going around. There was a Salsa crash course. At the same place as Wade Robson, COOLER than COOL cheorographer but did not get to see him. GREAT DANCER...ABSOLUTELY THE BEST. PICS!!!

ya, we as a grp and all of us look spassss. with an equally spas background.

GASP! look at rachel and danial...they're holding hands!! haha actually no lah, Rach was taking a pic of them on her handphone and she's showing it to Dan.

see shila's VERY white smile and nana's act cute face AGAIN. EXACT same pose. haha. see Rach and Dan taking picture.

see nana...haha. SO Prettaye.

see adli climb over the railing....so dangerous man. then he sat on the ledge with the risk of falling on the rocks. lucky he climbed back soon again

NICE NIGHT lahh.

a lyfe* like mine-; 1:21 am

ramadhan @ 12:29 am

a lyfe* like mine-; 12:29 am

Tuesday, October 10, 2006/

power of hugs @ 6:11 pm

This is so touching. Humanity or Pervesity?

a lyfe* like mine-; 6:11 pm

@ 5:03 pm

the quality in a friend that is most important to me:

LOYALTY

I realised, after taking Pure History for a year (wow that long), I can see the bigger picture now. I can see all the cause and effects. I can see the impacts of my former friends' treatment towards me and how I was shaped by it.

In primary school, we were young and I was always the "mature one". THat's my label. And there was this friend who continued, persistently to disintegrate my self confidence slowly but surely. I now wonder why I stuck to her. I told her I didn't like it but she continued to do so. I cringe everytime she tore my heart to pieces. But because I was supposed to be "mature", I could not whiny. Maybe if I had been a small cutie girl, I was allowed it. And maybe if I had the excuse to have an area which is out of bounds from discussion, I would have reason. That was why I moved away from them and made a friend in someone no one expected me to be with. A boy. Yah. A real honest to goodness friend in a boy. Never have I felt so happy. Not a steady, just a friend who's a boy.

In secondary school, the beginning of it, you miss your primary school friends and you don't know who to go with so you mix around. You'll be most likely to stick to your classmates. But eventually you find your gang. I am so thankful I found mine. But the pain to realise that this ARE my friends is unforgettable. It was the same case. I hopped to and fro from this group to the other. And I found myself avoiding the group who I thought would do the same thing as my "friends" in primary school did. Shut me out in their closeness. Even if I told them it hurt, there's no use. They'd repeatedly do the same thing again. Maybe I had a part to play in it but I have no regrets cos I'm happy now. My primary school friends really affected me in the beginning part of sec 1. I was feeling low, not confident, not sure of who I am. Her words kept ringing in my ear, her actions sewed in my heart. Thankfully, it's gone now.

And even though I know my friends now, I can't understand why fate brought me to them. Me, Fadilah, Sadelena and Shahini. We have totally different principles. I am the more "alim" as they say. They don't care so much. But my first group were the same "alim" as me but they didn't treat me right. We were so different in the principles we believed in. I didn't get them. They were just like my primary school friends. How could that be I have come to realise. One thing: Loyalty. I wanna thank Allah for letting Fadilah be my first friend in Cedar and for putting her in the same class as Shahini where I got to meet Sadelena. I feel so free with you guys. Not as if I should act in a certain way or filter what I say.

It's good to feel wanted.
It's good to hear Sade shouting "SAFIAAAAAH!" when she sees me.
It's good to be choked and tickled by Fadilah.
It's good to fight/bully/tease in a nice way with Shahini and know that she'll not be hurt and vice versa.
It's good to know that they'll keep their promise.
It's good to know they'll turn up.
It's good to know I can always borrow anything from Shahini.
It's good to know that Fadilah will never ever make me bored.
It's good to know Sade wants to go out with me.
It's good to know that we don't need to know EVERYthing about each other but we still know a little.
It's good to know that sometimes, Fadilah feels the same way as me even though it's weird because it crosses our pairing.

Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way. But it's good to know they're not hypocrits. They are true to who they say they are. And I love them for it.

a lyfe* like mine-; 5:03 pm

Wednesday, October 04, 2006/

@ 10:45 pm

i think i know why i feel so powerful.

I KNOW MY PURPOSE IN LIFE.

and most people are lost because they are searching for it when it's right in front of their eyes. All they can see is that they must search for this purpose. The purpose is actually always with them, within them. They are too caught up with the search that all else is gone from their eyes.

a lyfe* like mine-; 10:45 pm

@ 9:55 pm

Here I am. In the week of EXAMS. So far, it's all good. My main fear is thinking that the papers are easy but then, not doing well in the end. English was easy. Malay was as per normal. Social Studies was manageable. E Maths was relatively okay. Geography Elective was easy only I forgot some facts so I lost out on some points. Chemistry too. If only the facts would stay in my head better. It's not that I don;t KNOW how to do. It's just that I FORGOT. And the purpose of exams is to test your recall. Tomorrow I don't have to come to school so it will be a day of revising physics and A maths finally. THen Friday will be the exams and next Monday will be my last paper, History which I'm planning to study over the weekend, yes I have not started. I'm just sure of the answering structure right now.

Last night I stayed up till 2 to burn the midnight oil for chemistry. Today, I don;t know if it'a a good idea because my mind is not that tired. It only cleared during section B of Chemistry. But after Chemistry, I feel so happy and powerful- like I could do ANYTHING I wanted. Told that to Shahini but she can't seem to understand. I was also bursting out into laughter with no apparent reason- a sure sign that I'm stressed. And I used up one and a half packets of tissue in the morning. I'm going to get sick if I don't take care of myself. Poor Mumu is sick and lost her voice. It seems that everyone gets sick durign this period. On Friday, 8 ppl was absent. haha. unsure of the reasons though.

I had to make another set of INK to send for entry to the National School Newspaper Competition because even though I sent it already, Daniel didn't receive it. Therefore we have concluded that it got lost in the mail. To me, this is a blessing in disguise. The first entry was horrible. Photocopying quality was grainy and pages were folded everywhere. Had a bad feeling about it but I thought there was no time left. Now I made the second set at a new photocopying place and the service is MUCH better. PHEW.

And Daniel told me a lot of thing when he came to collect the entry just now at school. Found out that Yan Ling is going to an overseas university...somewhere in Australia next August and she will be leaving the Straits Times Promotions and Branding Team end of this year. Aawww but All the BEST!!! And Vanessa has been promoted to the Editorial Team. CONGRATS !(I think) Which makes Daniel and Elsie more stressed out as they too have to step up their work. I hope that some of us can help them. They are extremely short handed now. I don't mind helping as interns or as an IN crowder. They look like they really need all the help they can get. Wahh I look at Daniel and he looks so stressed. They have to clear the store, do logistics, fix STOMP, ChildAID and the Media Club Camp too. And all the work has been suddenly dumped on them like that. Haizz..

Ok now must get back that sleep that I have lost.

I can't wait for exams to be done! I have so many many things to do!

1. Go to Mendaki to let the correct specific person sign my NYAA booklet
2. Let Ms Chng sign my NYAA booklet for physical section
3. Fill in all details of NYAA booklet and hand in to Mdm Faridah once and for all.
4. Ask how I can apply for Silver NYAA.
4. Shop for shoes and acessories for Hari Raya.
5. Tidy my wardrobe and put aside all all clothes.
6. Cook a meal for my family and Tok's for buka puasa
7. Finish reading the two and a half books.
8. Start on my reading wish list.
10. Make kueh raya with Fadilah and Sadelena and Shahini. Just like last year I made with Fadilah and it was a sucess with our families. Hahah. Belum Raya dah habis.

Hais...Raya is in two more weeks and I don't think my ibadah is that sempurna. I'm so tired with exams. And next year, Ramadan will be during prelims. AAAAHH. THen Raya, then O LEVELS. Then Bye bye Cedar and HELLO JC. OH Noooooo. So fast. oops. The article I just read says: there are two days that you should never worry about- yesterday and tomorrow. So I shall not worry about the tomorrows now. I shall go and rest my poor brain.

Nights to the World.

a lyfe* like mine-; 9:55 pm

@ 9:14 pm

Two Days We Should Not Worry

Author Unknown

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry,
two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares,
its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday.

We cannot undo a single act we performed;
we cannot erase a single word we said.
Yesterday is gone forever.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow
with all its possible adversities, its burdens,
its large promise and its poor performance;
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise,
either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow,
for it is yet to be born.

This leaves only one day, Today.
Any person can fight the battle of just one day.
It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad,
it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore, Live but one day at a time.

The Answer To Every Question

An Essay by Christine Schaefer

Love is the answer to every question.
Why are we here? Love.
Where do we come from? Love.
How do we create world peace? Love.

It may sound overly simplistic to the modern human being, since we are want to analyze and look for complex answers to questions. We don’t believe that life is simple and the answers to its problems can also be simple: love.

In truth, what are anger, sadness, pain but the soul’s desire for love?

If we learn to love ourselves without reservation, and to love the world in the same way, the answer is simple. It is impossible, when filled with love, to be aggressive or hate-filled or violent.

When we know that we are beautiful and wonderful, we see the world through those eyes. We see the beauty and wonder in all things around us.

We don’t need to look outside ourselves for the love we seek. It has been there all along. It is the voice of our self-esteem. It is our anger saying, ‘hey this is not right for me. I don’t want this in my life any longer.’

Self-love is saying no to abuse and betrayal. It is wanting the very best for yourself and accepting only that in your life. It is healing the wounds that you have carried all your life.

Self-love is walking away from those who mistreat you, knowing that you deserve better. It is taking the risk to pursue the career that will bring you joy. It is listening to your own inner voice – the one that will always guide you to what is best. It is trusting in yourself completely.

Self-love is following that little voice within that says, ‘ooh I want to do that today.’ Sometimes it means ignoring the voice of 'shoulds' and 'have-tos.' It is believing that, when you seek what you desire and fill yourself with joy, you will also be spreading that joy to those around you.

Love will fill you up so you will know there is nothing missing in your life.

Love will lead you to every answer.

Special thanks to Christine Schaefer for allowing us to share this! Christine is a certified life coach now living in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.

© 2005, Reprinted with permission.

Every morning when I get up, the first thing I decide is:
What do I want?
Misery? Blisfullness?
What am I going to choose today?
And it happens that I always choose blissfulness.
It is my choice, it is my life.

Abdullah

a lyfe* like mine-; 9:14 pm