N U R S A F I A H

Saturday, April 22, 2006/

Local Man Disappointed by Queen’s Visit @ 2:29 pm

Bukit Gorblok resident Mat Dungu bin Imbesil expressed great disappointment at the recent three-day visit by the Queen. Said the 38 year old rock music devotee, “She didn’t sing even one of her hits like ‘We Will Rock You’ or ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. Sad, sial.”

“I’ve been waiting for Queen to come for many years,” said Mr. Dungu, who lives with his wife Minah and their four children Motosikal, Metal, Marlboro and Maintainbalan in a one room flat in Bukit Gorblok Street 13. “I have all their albums on cassette – A Night at the Opera, It’s a Kind of Magic, News of the World, even Flash Gordon.”

“All this time, I thought Queen was like this guy with a moustache macam Saddam Hussein,” said Mr. Dungu, ruefully shaking his mane of curly hair, which cascaded well past the collar of his weathered leather jacket. “Then, halamak! I saw the news and instead got this perempuan putih come out macam grandmother. I almost peng san!”

Mr. Dungu was beside himself with disbelief, according to his wife Minah. “Mat kept looking at the news coverage, rocking back and forth singing over and over again, “Is this the real life, is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality…”

“What’s wrong with you? I told him, you never see the Queen video, ‘I Want to Break Free’, izzit? They all pakai women’s baju macam pondan!” she said. “Why is this so unbelievable to you?”

Maintaining his belief that the entire matter was a huge conspiracy, Mr. Dungu decided to turn up at the Turf Club to check out the truth for himself.

“Queen had an album, ‘A Day at the Races’,” said Mr. Dungu. “And she turns up at Kranji. You tell me whether it’s just coincidence!”

Disguised as a waiter, Mr. Dungu somehow managed to park himself near Queen Elizabeth II and the Duke of Edinburgh, close enough to overhear their conversations.

When her horse ‘King and King’ came in first, Mr. Dungu claimed he overheard a jubilant Queen Elizabeth turn to Prince Philip and say, “We are the champions.”

“I felt such a connection then,” said Mr. Dungu. “That I immediately started shouting at her, ‘Fat Bottomed Girls, you make the rockin’ world go round!’”

“That’s when the ISD people suddenly came out and hantam me,” he added.

Mr. Dungu is currently being held for interrogation by police, who seem to find his explanations implausible.

Said ASP Berat bin Logam, “Confusing Freddy Mercury with Queen Elizabeth is simply ridiculous. Elton John, maybe, Freddy Mercury tak boleh.”

“I kept telling him not to be a bodoh,” said his wife, shrugging. “But all he seems to hear is Radio Ga Ga.”

a lyfe* like mine-; 2:29 pm