N U R S A F I A H

Tuesday, October 10, 2006/

@ 5:03 pm

the quality in a friend that is most important to me:

LOYALTY

I realised, after taking Pure History for a year (wow that long), I can see the bigger picture now. I can see all the cause and effects. I can see the impacts of my former friends' treatment towards me and how I was shaped by it.

In primary school, we were young and I was always the "mature one". THat's my label. And there was this friend who continued, persistently to disintegrate my self confidence slowly but surely. I now wonder why I stuck to her. I told her I didn't like it but she continued to do so. I cringe everytime she tore my heart to pieces. But because I was supposed to be "mature", I could not whiny. Maybe if I had been a small cutie girl, I was allowed it. And maybe if I had the excuse to have an area which is out of bounds from discussion, I would have reason. That was why I moved away from them and made a friend in someone no one expected me to be with. A boy. Yah. A real honest to goodness friend in a boy. Never have I felt so happy. Not a steady, just a friend who's a boy.

In secondary school, the beginning of it, you miss your primary school friends and you don't know who to go with so you mix around. You'll be most likely to stick to your classmates. But eventually you find your gang. I am so thankful I found mine. But the pain to realise that this ARE my friends is unforgettable. It was the same case. I hopped to and fro from this group to the other. And I found myself avoiding the group who I thought would do the same thing as my "friends" in primary school did. Shut me out in their closeness. Even if I told them it hurt, there's no use. They'd repeatedly do the same thing again. Maybe I had a part to play in it but I have no regrets cos I'm happy now. My primary school friends really affected me in the beginning part of sec 1. I was feeling low, not confident, not sure of who I am. Her words kept ringing in my ear, her actions sewed in my heart. Thankfully, it's gone now.

And even though I know my friends now, I can't understand why fate brought me to them. Me, Fadilah, Sadelena and Shahini. We have totally different principles. I am the more "alim" as they say. They don't care so much. But my first group were the same "alim" as me but they didn't treat me right. We were so different in the principles we believed in. I didn't get them. They were just like my primary school friends. How could that be I have come to realise. One thing: Loyalty. I wanna thank Allah for letting Fadilah be my first friend in Cedar and for putting her in the same class as Shahini where I got to meet Sadelena. I feel so free with you guys. Not as if I should act in a certain way or filter what I say.

It's good to feel wanted.
It's good to hear Sade shouting "SAFIAAAAAH!" when she sees me.
It's good to be choked and tickled by Fadilah.
It's good to fight/bully/tease in a nice way with Shahini and know that she'll not be hurt and vice versa.
It's good to know that they'll keep their promise.
It's good to know they'll turn up.
It's good to know I can always borrow anything from Shahini.
It's good to know that Fadilah will never ever make me bored.
It's good to know Sade wants to go out with me.
It's good to know that we don't need to know EVERYthing about each other but we still know a little.
It's good to know that sometimes, Fadilah feels the same way as me even though it's weird because it crosses our pairing.

Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way. But it's good to know they're not hypocrits. They are true to who they say they are. And I love them for it.

a lyfe* like mine-; 5:03 pm