N U R S A F I A H

Saturday, January 06, 2007/

character counts @ 7:46 pm

Throw Away All Your Grudges

As we approach the New Year, it`s a good time to clean out the clutter in our lives. Sure, that means going through and disposing of useless papers and unused stuff, but it also means throwing away old grudges.

It has been said that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. A decision to hold on to a grievance is a decision to suffer. It extends the pain. And in a peculiar way, it gives the wrongdoer a way to hurt us again and again.

It isn`t easy to root out and release deep-seated resentments arising from hurtful words or deeds. Although sometimes we don`t remember the source of the resentment, other times we recall the incident so vividly that it still evokes a fresh torrent of negative emotion. But no matter how justified or self-righteous we feel about our grudges, we`ll be healthier and happier if we get rid of them.

Confucius said, "To be wronged is nothing unless we continue to remember it." A grudge dwells in dark memories, often deliberately revived as if reliving the hurt will somehow punish the person who caused it. In fact, we hurt ourselves far more.

Ideally, we should forgive and forget, but if we`re not ready to forgive, we can forget, or at least repress the temptation to dwell on whatever it was that made us so angry. When we let go of our resentments, we pave the way for forgiveness -- a final act of virtue and mental health.

We also free ourselves from the past so we can live better in the future.

From Michael Josephson reminding me that character counts.

The Six C`s of Character

As you consider your goals for the New Year, I hope you`ll think about working on your character. After all, the best road to a better life is to be a better person, and all of us can be better.

One of the best ways to do this is to focus on the Six C`s of Character: conscience, courage, consideration, compassion, confidence, and control.

First, be a person of conscience. Listen to the inner voice that helps you know right from wrong and urges you to do what is good and noble.

Second, be courageous. Confront the challenges and choices of your life forthrightly. Make the tough decisions that need to be made and, above all, maintain your integrity by doing what you know to be right even when it costs more than you want to pay.

Third, be considerate. Be more deliberative, thoughtful, and attentive as to how your words and actions will affect others, and reflect on your character. Think ahead so you can avoid undesirable and undesired consequences.

Fourth, be compassionate. Demonstrate a genuine concern for the well-being of others. Be kinder and more charitable. Strive to understand more and judge less.

Fifth, be confident in your capacity to overcome whatever difficulties come your way with integrity and dignity. Don`t underestimate your resiliency. Resolve to persist until you prevail.

Sixth, be in control of your emotions, appetites, and urges that tempt you to compromise your principles or sacrifice long-term goals for short-term indulgences.

Remember, your character is your destiny.

From Michael Josephson reminding me that character counts.

Looking Backward and Forward

As we throw out last year`s calendar and break out a new one, it makes sense to look backward at where we`ve been, inside to assess where we are, and forward to where we`re going.

Henry David Thoreau urged us to set priorities, warning that "Our life is frittered away by detail... Simplify, simplify."

John Greenleaf Whittier reminded us that our future is often the harvest of our actions: "The tissue of the life to be, we weave with colors all our own. And in the field of destiny we reap as we have sown."

Lincoln added another dimension: "In the end, it`s not the years in your life that count. It`s the life in your years." He also said, "A person is generally as happy as they are willing to be."

Ralph Waldo Emerson urged us to find the spark within: "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

According to Robert Byrne, "The purpose of life is a life of purpose." And the Prophet Mohammad instructed that: "A man`s true wealth is the good he does in this world."

I`ll conclude with the observation of Rabbi Harold Kushner: "Our souls are not hungry for fame, comfort, wealth, or power. Those rewards create almost as many problems as they solve. Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so our lives matter, so the world will be at least a little bit different for our having passed through it."

From Michael Josephson wishing me a Happy New Year filled with meaning and purpose and reminding me that character counts.

Labels: character

a lyfe* like mine-; 7:46 pm