N U R S A F I A H

Wednesday, January 17, 2007/

downs make me human @ 10:03 pm

sometimes, i'll allow myself to wallow up in self-pity.

especially in times like this. where i lose a basic necessity that cost other people money that would be really handy right now. and it's not even my fault. at least i don't think it is. Does laundry disappear everyday? Oh gosh you clothes thingy...where are you???

and when i watched the tyra show yesterday and saw the resemblance of her and someone close to me who hurt me so. The freaking resemblance. How can they just pick up best friends so easily? Just like "HEY YOU'rE MY BEST FRIEND NOW!!!". Or am I just the one who cares too much.

Yeah I do. This year is my last one in Cedar. I keep thinking about it everyday. I do have some resolutions, to give all my friends a momento, on their birthday or whenever. I really want to cherish all of them before it's too late and we all look at our worst- crying. I guess I just want to give them a true impression of me when we part. Like they'll look back to their secondary school days and remember Safiah as the "crazy, funny, bossy, lame, caring, friendly, etc." girl. And this impression will last forever.

I still miss Ramesh and Gary and Leroy...I think about them almost everyday and about what they said. Their words keep replaying in my mind. Thankfully, I'll see them again next Monday for the Booster Course.

Today was the IN Crowd Editors' Tea. Saw all these new faces. And I got some ideas now that Serene has asked us to think of some. We'll be going Thailand this June, I hope. I gotta work hard so my grades pass my dad's standards.

And I was thinking that, even though this is random, independent vs. HOLLYWOOD. Doesnt't matter songs or movies. People assume that indie actors/singers/songwriters are more serious in their craft than the HOLLYWOOD ones. The actors themselves think so too. Many actors have converted to being INDIE after examining themselves. Apparently, HOLLYWOOD= FAME, FORTUNE but INDIE=REAL TALENT. Why? Don't you have to be good in Hollywood to tell a story through acting/singing and to convince the world that your product is good enough. Without talent where will you get in that world?

And freakingly true, I see some teens becoming like that too. What's so great if you listen to an indie band that no one has ever heard of? Are you more superior to others who listen to the TOP 40 and the BILLBOARD CHARTS? Like if I love NEYO or JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, im blending with the masses but if you like an emo rock band called Phantom of the Roses, or so, you're supposed to be more cool and culturally AWARE? OH SNAP!

Ohkay...I'm getting all Susmitha here. By that I mean emo and angsty. That image of her will stick to me forever.

Lately, I'm being that on a constant basis=angst. Ugh...sometimes I hate that word cos it's so not me. But I get frustrated with the world. I get frustrated with me. I know what Ramesh would say: "It's all in the brain"...

Anger, Nur, is a fabulous reminder that there are still a few things being misunderstood.
In all cases.

Same for impatience, despair and broken hearts, Nur.

The Universe

Labels: problems

a lyfe* like mine-; 10:03 pm