N U R S A F I A H

Friday, February 16, 2007/

commentaries @ 9:46 pm

Mixing Authority and Friendship

A listener once asked me to talk about the special challenges of mixing friendship with authority. The issue often comes up when parents want to be their children`s best friends, teachers invite students to treat them as equals, or managers are overly chummy with the people they supervise.

Clearly, there are benefits to enriching these relationships with the affection, trust, and loyalty that come with friendship. A casual atmosphere where you can call your parent, teacher, or boss "Bob" or "Debby" invites openness and is more pleasant than formal relationships where authority is continually emphasized by titles or other traditions that emphasize the power one person has over the other.
The problem is, sooner or later the expectations of friendship will conflict with the responsibilities of authority. Parents, teachers, and bosses can be friends only up to a point.

Friendships are voluntary. Friends are equals. And since the bonds of friendship are essentially formed by affection, friends have to be concerned with being liked. People in authority, on the other hand, have a job to do. They have to set boundaries, give instructions, and impose discipline, even if it engenders dislike or hostility.

Friends can accept each other without a need to change, improve, or judge, but people with authority have a duty to be more demanding. They have a responsibility to insist on character and competence.
Authority is much more complicated than friendship, and it takes character to be a good parent, teacher, or boss.

The Power of Responsibility

It`s been said that the line between childhood and adulthood is crossed when we move from saying "It got lost" to "I lost it." Indeed, being accountable -- and understanding and accepting the role our choices play in the things that happen -- are crucial signs of emotional and moral maturity. That`s why responsibility is one of the main pillars of good character.

Many people have been seduced by the Peter Pan philosophy of refusing to grow up and avoiding the burdens implied in being accountable. Yes, responsibility sometimes requires us to do things that are unpleasant or even frightening. It asks us to carry our own weight, prepare and set goals, and exercise the discipline to reach our aspirations.

But the benefits of accepting responsibility far outweigh the short-lived advantages of refusing to do so. No one makes his or her life better by avoiding responsibility. In fact, irresponsibility is a form of self-imposed servitude -- to circumstances and to other people.

Responsibility is about our ability to respond to circumstances and to choose the attitudes, actions, and reactions that shape our lives. It is a concept of power that puts us in the driver`s seat. The grand panorama of the potential of our lives can only be appreciated when we begin to be accountable and self-reliant.

Responsible people not only depend on themselves, but show others that they can be depended on. This breeds trust, and trust is a key that opens many doors.

If you want more control over your life and the pleasures, prerogatives, and power of freedom and independence, all you have to do is be responsible.

This is Michael Josephson reminding me that character counts.

EVENTS

1.
I think the most fake thing that a person can have is a fake smile.
A fake smile shows that that person has a fake heart.
And I hate people who are not genuine.

2.
When I say I want it later. You want it now.
When I want it now, you do it later.
Looks like you're getting everything done your way.
Oblivious.
Still you don't want to shoulder your own responsibilities.
Still I am not firm enough.
I am just so tired.
Events of the past? Don't think I don't know my actions were wrong.
Get over it. This is life.
The commentary was supposed to be done directly after an action has been done.
Hah.

3.
Being in a sports team is the greatest thing that can happen to anyone.
Win as a team, against a school that you see has beat you since you were in sec one. (st margs)
Finally beating them is sweet success after screaming your hearts out.
Tearing together, that feeling that was felt by Khairul Amri when he scored the winning goal against Thailand, that feeling that was felt by Indra Shahdan when he scored a goal agaisnt Liverpool, that feeling is out of this world. That feeling can never be felt if you win a chess competition, a entrepenuer competition, an essay competititon. That feeling can only be felt after you sacrificed for your team.
And being in a sports team is the best because there are no complications.
Being in a sports team is the best especially when you're in CEDAR NETBALL. Luv ya loads ppl. MUACKS.

it feels good to hang on to this feeling. so good that everything else melts away
--safiah

a lyfe* like mine-; 9:46 pm