N U R S A F I A H

Monday, May 19, 2008/

forbidden fruit of the black forest @ 4:31 pm

what a pretentious title.

i feel that it's a title that should be given to a poem but i am too lazy and i can't think. I just want to let it all out and let the WWW know without any masks or having to make them analyse and guess and make essays about what I really mean behind all the metaphors and imagery. PHEW. I feel like a POS once more....ohmaan...is this gonna be those posts where the blogger rambles and feels bad abt herself and the reader goes "what in the freaking world is she going on about". I wish I could let it all out here. Because I need someone to know. It's not that I don't want to tell you, reader but more of the fact that I'm not sure if I should relieve the burden on you. I can't stand this feeling. I think I do know what it is that I'm feeling but it's because I havn't told anyone about it which keeps me from thinking that it's real and therefore I'm avoiding it and not thinking how I'm going to manage this feeling. SHAHINI I NEED YOU. haiz...I need someone sane to knock me back into my senses. I need someone to always be there as in physically. As in I can touch. Ok eew...as in I can point and poke. HAH! Gosh, I know Shahini and our relationship is such that we don't see each other that often but still we get each other...maybe she knows me better than I know myself. I believe she does. SHAHINI! SHAHINI! SHAHINI!!!! You shouldnt have done this to me larhhh...can't u abondon your cousins for ONCE! Haiz....I tell you, maybe I havn't treasured this friendship enough? Nevermind, I got back at you oredi. HAHA. SERVES YOU RIGHT MAN! haha...u've got to wait till i see you then you'll know...Anyways I don't know I think I feel so freaking alone in school. I mean there are my classmates and all..there are people. And sometimes I sms Sean (thanks (: BIG HELP, really)...ok not sometimes....usually it's always. I do sms him a lot such that I think my bill is going to burst. BUT HOW...he makes the day more....livable/passable/funny. HAHA.... really lah. THANKS. Hope that didn't give the wrong impression to some. But still...ohmygoshhhh...I feel so alone. Muu helps tho. But it's such a momentary glimpse of her..I just got to make this work for, ermm I donno...1.5 more years?...ohmygosh. What a desperate post....Ahmad's still a great friend for laughing at, and laughing with. Christina is so bz too. Atiqah too. HAISS. People are just SO BZ. FULLSTOP.

I wonder how Sadelena feels...hope she's okay...if i feel like this, she must feel worse and her problem, if it is a problem, no her situation, is worse. I think.

I need to talk to Erma too. My phonecall for her is so long overdue. WHY CAN't YOU CALL ME INSTEAD ERMS.

Why is it ME who has to call people? Same goes for Daryl. Gosh. Oh need to ask him to update me too..or should I just wait till we see each other again.

However...will I be closer to the guitar gang? Gosh...haha..we rock tho I think. Oh I've been made Section Leader! So I'm part of the EXCO. Nice Safiah. Haha..

22nd-23rd May: E Learning Days
23rd May: Mardi Gras!
30th May: outing w/Sade, Fadi; Manifestasi @ TPJC
31st May: TPJC Guitar/Band Concert @ VCH
1st June: Netball Carnival (quasi suicide- NO STAMINA AT ALL!)
2nd-4th June:Guitar Camp?
6th June: SHAHINI turns 17!
The rest of June holidays: Study/make notes and coach Erma on E math...

to do list:
Call up those guitar peeps
study Econs for tomorrow's test
do Maths inequalities tutorial
finish reading "A Sweet Far Thing" by Linda Bray

SHAHINI IS A BIG LAZY BUM. NO ARGUMENTS. =P

xoxo
N U R S A F I A H
somebody save her. quick.

a lyfe* like mine-; 4:31 pm