N U R S A F I A H

Wednesday, July 16, 2008/

i prefer fluctuations? @ 9:21 pm

i wanna talk to liyana yeo!
i wanna huggg liyana yeo!
cos i miss liyana yeo!

babe takpe lah, I have an inkling to what your family affair was about and if I'm wrong just shoot me but IF im right... i understand and I'm so happy for you.

on a different plane..

i kinda feel emptier and emptier by the day.... when work is all that matters. I hope I don't turn into a zonky zombie...

and I wish I could just climb out of this i really don't know what this feeling is.... dread? fear?... it's like i want to cry but I just can't. It's like I want to shout but I have no energy. It's like I want to take something and slash at it ( not my wrists don't worry) but I can't stand violence. Still, writing it out seems too mild. I think I've been keeping it all in I've been getting nightmares. This scary guy (think Rumpelstilskin but meaner, darker, taller) was following me around... I've not had nightmares for a long time.... I don;'t know which bothers me more. The nightmare or the fact that I even had one.

I need someone to tell me that it's all going to be okay... without me asking....
I just... need assurance that EVERYTHING is going to be okay...
this and that ....
that and this...
cos so far it's going downhill
and no one has time to spare a true smile

I try my best to make people's day...
But, making their day... is not making my day anymore....

I see a lack of genuine smiles...
I see a lack of heart...

I see claims made in the past which may still be true presently but tone has differed hence... there's doubts and I have no faith to carry out certain actions...

wait I think some people have given me encouragement...thanks to them!
ok haiz...
GRR.

I miss being light-headedly happy like a helium filled balloon. It was so infectious it was hard to get rid of. Even being near to the rock bottom low was okay cos I knew what to do with it. What is this stagnant numb feeling!

I can't help being a social creature who needs the human involvement time and again. The sincere human touch ( not necessarily physical ) is hence very precious to me. I can't help showing these streaks now and then.

I think I need to see some people and see some genuine smiles. I'll make appointments after Saturday if they never come....or if I'm too busy. Or maybe I need to go to someplace where there's a lot of children. Or maybe I need to be a clown and entertain them. That'd bring me joyful of goodness.

First Derivative Test.

safiahpowernegative ---
safiahpowerzero ---
safiahpowerpositive ---

straight line graph. TOOT

a lyfe* like mine-; 9:21 pm