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Tuesday, November 11, 2008/
True. Raw. Whirlwind. @ 11:25 pm
Listening to Haru Haru... somehow, I really like how it sounds, especially when you're feeling kinda low.
I told Muhaina a lot of things. She's the only one who knows everything.
All my ramblings. Even though I didn't really like to talk to her about our religion cos I know who she is. Still, she's the most solid ground I have right now. Cos Shahini is somewhere in Limbo.
And it's weird how... everyone has problems all at the same time. It's weird how everything happens all at the same time. It's weird how some of them find me all at the same time. It's weird.
Right now, a lot of people want me to talk to them but I just want to be alone. But because there is this thing called love, I shall overlook this matter and call the hurt person now. Well maybe after this. Hrmm...
Haiz... I guess that's what true love is huh? I guess that's what true volunteering is about.
When you don't really see any benefit for yourself. When you don't think that it can even bring you happiness. When you can only see that by helping that person, you'll help that person and that will make the person feel better. Even though you really feel low. Because you know, that person really needs your help. Even if by helping that person, it will really not bring any good to you, or any bad. It just... is like that. That's what's been kinda in my head since the Tea Session for Camp Vivant! Which I'm not sure I will go to even if I get accepted in. Because I need to spend time with my family. I need to give them one month of my time from the rest of the 11 that the school took from me, that the ministry took from me.
And then, even more, I've begun to think about what true love is. I never really thought about it, I kinda just accepted it as what it was. They always say that a mother's love is always true. Well for most sane mothers. But I never really understood why. I guess it's cos a mother really really never thinks about herself. Even if it's the last thing she'd rather do for her family, she'll still do it if it's for the benefit of her family. I guess that's what I am beginning to learn. Even though I'd rather hang out with my friends till late, spend the whole day/ night online talking to some people, I would have to entertain my brother, take care of him, make him happy. Even though it does make me smile when I see him smile, it gets tiring when I come home really tired or just want time alone, really just want time alone. Even though I have no mood.
I guess my other brother is beginning to learn that too. I can see the change in him. He used to always think about himself. I used to argue with him to be more selfless, think about other people more. It's not that I'm perfect but just.. it's harder for guys to accept. Furthermore, for him, he was the baby of the house for 14 years and now there's a newcomer. I was the only child for only two years and I don't even remember what that felt like. He was the one who got to be manja for all his life. So he took a longer time to adjust.
See? Everything happens for a reason.
But I'm thankful cos I remember how I asked God everyday, every prayer time for another sibling. I didn't know why I wanted one. I think, even with my brother around, it got lonely. Cos we were growing apart. I'm thankful cos Ilhan brought the whole family together. We learnt how to be stronger. We learnt how to be selfless. I learnt how to sacrifice for Ilhan. It's really wonderful how he came into our life. I still remember the shock when my mum told me the news. How I was so happy I couldn't believe it but I was so thankful. So thankful I wanted to cry. I never till now, I never regret having a baby brother this late in my life. The gap is big, yes. I get mistaken for his mother sometimes, yes. But he is my training course. He prepares me for when I have mine in the future, insya'allah.
**Break to call*** gotta put aside this feeling for a while.
OOOOOHHHH. BIG BANG GOT NEW ALBUM NEW ALBUM!!!
Oh gosh. Man, seriously, the last time I felt so excited when any artiste came up with a new album to was Taufik Batisah. Anyways, acoustic acoustic acoustic version of Haru Haru... this means... CAN PLAY ON GUITAR>>>>>>> aaaahahah.
ok obviously I'm kind of happy now. Nyahah....
Big Bang- Haru Haru (Acoustic Version)
I guess, it's how the songs make me feel. Anyways, I just don't like the rap part, the original sounded better for that right?
Big Bang- Sunset Glow [붉은노을] MV
This is so cute. HAHAHA. And happy happy happy.
ooh and xtina, shuttup. I chased after her, fell, n i think tmr i will have a big bruise on my face and hips so don't think like, tailong beat me up or something. Though tt would be v nice... like exciting huh? "oooh i got into a fight cos I was being gangster girl" HEHEHE...
