I've always wanted to give a post on why I wear my selendang/tudung/hijab. Since I've put it on in Primary 5, my friends or people who were around me have been asking me why I wear the tudong. It's hard to explain in such a short time and it's hard to put it in words, especially when I have not put my thoughts into words.
When I decided, I didn't think to myself about the reasons. I just knew that it was one of the rules in the Quran, Allah's words...I told my mum of my decision to put it on.
She asked me, "Are you sure about this?"
I said," Yes".
"What if one day, you feel like taking it off and not wearing it anymore?"
"Then that will just be the shaitans."
There have been so many times, so so many times that I felt like not wearing my tudong since when I first started. Sometimes, it's cos of the shaitans. Though, it's quite hard sometimes, especially because I was young and my friends could put on any old t-shirt that they wanted but I had to find long sleeved ones. But over the years, as my thinking matured or should I say progressed? and as my friends wanted to know and I always got involved in activities where there were not many people wearing the tudong which increased the numbers of those types of friends, I had to really sit down and think why I made this decision in the first place.
Sometimes, significant things happen and you don't really notice. Well I noticed that since I did put on the tudong, I notice that the people around me start to put them on too. Me and my cousin, Najihah, who's around the same age as me had this code on what to wear as we neared what age. At some point in growing up, we stopped wearing shorts, then bermudas then 3/4 pants and we only put on long pants. Even without anyone telling us, we preferred not showing so much skin. It was some kind of inborn instinct. I can't remember who put in on first or what. I don't remember if we discussed about it but I think we made the decision at around the same time. And Najihah is one of my close cousins.
I had violin lessons every Saturday too, since K2 and it might be a surprise for them when one Saturday, I turned up wearing the tudong. I can't remember if any of the students wore it too but I believe, I was the first in my class. There were some other seniors though. Then a few months later, I think another student in my class started and some time after that, another. My own teacher didn't wear the tudung but I guess, after some loooong time, something made her wear it too. Maybe some people thought that it was a requirement only after marriage. But she was still single. Even till now.
Am I saying that because of my decision, I influenced people to start wearing the tudong? No. But I guess, it's still nice to think that way. *can't be perassan right ehemm**
Also, after Kak Noi, me and Najihah are the eldest girl cousins in that side of the family. All our aunts wear tudungs. But Kak Noi doesn't wear it. It's a personal thing. It's not culture or tradition. But after Najihah and me, all the girl cousins wear tudungs after they reached maturity. It's easier when you have a family to support you. However, there's no certain age by when you HAVE to decide when you want to put it on...when it's right for you, you'll know. Hence, no one pesters Kak Noi to wear it, because she's her own person.
So yes, anyhways, this all started from me reading this article:
A Japanese Woman's Experience of HijaabAnd I took a break and I can't remember what I actually wanted to say. Hrmm..ahha!
It's also very difficult sometimes when I go to school and I can't wear the tudung and when I'm not going to school, I'm wearing it. So therefore, I don't wear it for school-related activities. I just try not to take advantage of the times when I go to school wearing uniform and unable to wear the tudung.
Sometimes, I also see my friends who stop wearing tudung but I don't judge them because, who am I to judge. It's great though that they are thinking about the reasons that they're wearing the tudong. It's a commitment and no one should be forcing them to do so because if you're forced to do something, you won't follow through it full-heartedly because you don't believe in it. Also, when one is ready.
Well, yup I realise sometimes of how weak I am... all the things I wish Ihadn't done. I hope I find the strength not to commit any more sins...
Humans are just so weak aren't they. But it's easier to follow the rules.
So, to a new Hijrah year and to a new A.D. Year, I'll just have to be strong. Yupp.
Labels: decision, life, reflection
;
7:51 pm
"Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind."(Hadith; Muslims & Bukhari)
"You will not enter paradise until you have faith; and you will not complete your faith till you love one another."(Hadith; Muslim)
For some reasons, I just can't do certain things. I think it's because, I see my flaws beside you. Increasingly, I realise how much how much my faith is weak. And people think I'm strong because I wear the tudung. I'm sooo not that state yet. I'm still so weak, so weak...
Maybe then, I should improve myself first, think of myself first before I can even think of anyone else.
It's so hard sometimes because there's distractions everyday. Sometimes I just want to go to some very very quiet place and be alone and think and gain more knowledge because I feel so weak and so inadequate with what I have, and have no other responsibilities but just wanting to know and wanting to learn even more. Like haha... I wish there was a cave in Tampines huh? Maybe my room would do. Maybe I could buy a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign with an indication of how many hours I would want to be alone.
Thank you for being the hard knock on my head.
Mum says, "If humans can't teach us, Allah will."
Humans have taught me a lot.
My baby brother taught me the importance of doing chores, the importance of waking up early in the morning to do chores before I leave the house. He didn't really preach it to me of course, he's just 1 year plus... but he made me realise. And I think, that's the most effective way to learn. When you realise it yourself.
My mum made me realise how I prefer things to be planned, how I prefer to know what will go on in my week, my days. She made me realise how I'd rather not follow my emotions but sit down and think it throught, but I know myself that emotions are something that just happens. So, I learnt how to let the emotion wash over me before thinking, and then, taking actions after my thoughts.
My younger brother made me realised how to manage my time, and how to be wise and think on the guy side of stuff. He's growing too...
My father made me realise how I need certain things in my life...how I need certain things to be...
What else do I need to know? What else have humans not taught me...? For now, it's all too overwhelming, what I need to do with myself. How much more I need to learn...
Learning.. learning.. I guess I should read the Doctor Faustus play by Christopher Marlowe... because humans wrote some great Literature and I always learn a lot from them too...that's why I love Lit...I always learn more about myself, about the people around me, about how and why they act the way they are sometimes...
and Love, I learn it everyday...what it should be, what it is...
How much more we need to learn...
How much more we need to know...
And yet, all that we can ever know is just a fraction of all the knowledge that exists in the whole universe...
XOXO
N U R S A F I A H
I've got a looooong way to go Labels: innermost thoughts, life, wisdom
;
8:58 pm
