"Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind."(Hadith; Muslims & Bukhari)
"You will not enter paradise until you have faith; and you will not complete your faith till you love one another."(Hadith; Muslim)
For some reasons, I just can't do certain things. I think it's because, I see my flaws beside you. Increasingly, I realise how much how much my faith is weak. And people think I'm strong because I wear the tudung. I'm sooo not that state yet. I'm still so weak, so weak...
Maybe then, I should improve myself first, think of myself first before I can even think of anyone else.
It's so hard sometimes because there's distractions everyday. Sometimes I just want to go to some very very quiet place and be alone and think and gain more knowledge because I feel so weak and so inadequate with what I have, and have no other responsibilities but just wanting to know and wanting to learn even more. Like haha... I wish there was a cave in Tampines huh? Maybe my room would do. Maybe I could buy a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign with an indication of how many hours I would want to be alone.
Thank you for being the hard knock on my head.
Mum says, "If humans can't teach us, Allah will."
Humans have taught me a lot.
My baby brother taught me the importance of doing chores, the importance of waking up early in the morning to do chores before I leave the house. He didn't really preach it to me of course, he's just 1 year plus... but he made me realise. And I think, that's the most effective way to learn. When you realise it yourself.
My mum made me realise how I prefer things to be planned, how I prefer to know what will go on in my week, my days. She made me realise how I'd rather not follow my emotions but sit down and think it throught, but I know myself that emotions are something that just happens. So, I learnt how to let the emotion wash over me before thinking, and then, taking actions after my thoughts.
My younger brother made me realised how to manage my time, and how to be wise and think on the guy side of stuff. He's growing too...
My father made me realise how I need certain things in my life...how I need certain things to be...
What else do I need to know? What else have humans not taught me...? For now, it's all too overwhelming, what I need to do with myself. How much more I need to learn...
Learning.. learning.. I guess I should read the Doctor Faustus play by Christopher Marlowe... because humans wrote some great Literature and I always learn a lot from them too...that's why I love Lit...I always learn more about myself, about the people around me, about how and why they act the way they are sometimes...
and Love, I learn it everyday...what it should be, what it is...
How much more we need to learn...
How much more we need to know...
And yet, all that we can ever know is just a fraction of all the knowledge that exists in the whole universe...
XOXO
N U R S A F I A H
I've got a looooong way to go Labels: innermost thoughts, life, wisdom
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8:58 pm
This is beyond hope.
Beyond hope...
I'm just putting my faith in the one who knows about everything.
I don't want to think about anything else too.
Can we pretend nothing ever happened?
We can't deny all that has. Can we just become grammy-award winning-actors then? Can we?
I wasn't Mad.
I can't ask for anything...just let this be...just let it be please...
Can't we just see where the River Flows? Is it so excruciating for you not to know what will happen in your life? Must everything be planned? Nothing is for sure... but Surprises brought happiness
but if it hurts so much to wait and see...
Labels: innermost thoughts
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3:30 pm
am i strong or am i weak?some kind of wonderful...oh this is just so lovely...lingering thoughts lingering thoughtshappy happy day.:DLabels: happy, innermost thoughts, joy, love
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2:27 pm
I think because of the fact that no one has really advertised what TPJC is like, I did not expect much of it and maybe because of that, I am starting to enjoy it. Still I really want to go to TJC. TPJC is not bad because of the people I know there, in J2 and j1. All the friends I haven't seen for a long time...some have changed extremely and some have not. I really misssed talking to Atikah Syarah. I realised this when I talked to her....She listens like a good friend should...and you can tell it's from the heart...not like only half of it cares. That is what I really needed. I told the bad news to 5 people and 3 people responded in accordance to how I wanted them to. N the other one, I think I told her at a bad time so she could'nt really advise me. So I think...that's allright. Time really heals you...and when you look back, you see things from a different perspective...You come up with new theories.
So should I be glad that my feelings were not known? What happens when a confession is made and your jaw shakes like mad, something you've never experienced before, and when it's done, you know you feel something but you can't let it out because you don't know if it is appropriate. Everyone asks if I if told the other party my feelings but that's my problem always isn't it...I never do let anyone know what my feelings are...even if they hurt me like crazy. I let other people know...but the one who should ACTUALLY know, is kept in ignorance. I always ask myself if this is my biggest downfall...that I keep the essential in. What do you think happens when you look at an old friend but the soul is that of a stranger. Who is this person? Where is that person who you loved. Who said we would be friends forever. Who said that they'll love us forever. Forever is a promise that can never be kept...because forever ends. Now or later. Even for a short period of time, forever is forgotten. Now that won't be forever anymore will it. Cos it was broken. Even for a moment.
He's gone.
She's drifted away.
I see strangers in my eyes, wearing the mask of yesterday's faces.
They say giving is better than receiving...but what if all you do is give and give....and give and give...and you don't receive anything. Not even kindness when it matters the most, when you need it the most. You don't receive a connection between the eyes, the hearts, the souls. No smile, no warmth, no understanding. He's distracted, she's busy busy busy. And *POOF* all is lost.
Maybe the timing's not right, but when is it? Time is always short and I certainly have no time to wait... there are so many things to do on Earth! Hence, if you do not make the effort, you will be forgotten. If you don't respond to my invitation, I'm not knocking on your door with a horse-pulled carriage. If you can't remember me, why on Earth would I want to remember you?
New friends I have made. And I think Dynosius 15 is really the most united group because we stood through all the normal I-want-to-be-with-my-own-cliques-from-my-own-schools test. ahahah..Although I won't deny that I am hanging a lot with my own kind lately. But it's not that I'm not making a n effort to know other people. Trudy, Marie and Hazim...and now Syahidah...yay! you ppl rock for first friendships in JC. Thanks for being willing to mix around and hang around with each other. I hope we'll still include ourselves in our lives.
Some old friends I think...have ceased to be my friends...and I am surprised to see that my heart actually knew that it was too far gone to be fixed because it's not feeling the lost. I think I can safely say now, GOODBYE PAST!
TPJC's canteen has got to be the best canteen is all the JC world. The architecture, enviroment design and the FOOD.....oh wow the food...where can I even begin...I am a person who cannot, ABSOLUTELY cannot eat the same food over and over again everyday. And thus, none can fault me when I say that TPJC is one of the best in terms of variety of food....oh wow...absolute GOLD AWARD.
My subject combination is uniquely weird, people say: H2 Maths, Physics and Malay Literature, H1 China Studies and Knowledge and Inquiry. WOW.. hahah I can't wait for Monday's first real KI tutorial/lecture....I'm trying out Physics and Malay Lit for the first intake. If I hate it, I'll change to Econs and History. See how it goes. ...and I got into Guitar Ensemble at TPJC, renowned for winning Gold, in it's first SYF central judging and Gold with Honours on the 2nd. I won't say that I hate it if I stay there. Everything would be taken care of...transport...free! Equals more studying time which I desperately need. And more time for CCA? haha. Then I will be well balanced in both areas. And to finish KI essay. However, programmes in other "better" will be better right? Cos they're more funded?
For now, it's just btw TPJC and TJC. Maybe MJC...after considering seriously... As in, I don't think I'll fit there. VJ is too far I think....even though it is quite acceptable but I just don't want....
to be surrounded by clever people who make me feel so dumb. hhahah. I know, I know I'm clever in my own way. Well now when I think of it...I'm a lot of smarts...haha like smarties! But I prefer M&Ms. How?? hahah
Oh and I can blog pictures from my handphone now...using my new W910i Sony Erricson. love it. I feel like XOXO Gossip Girl...one of my fav tv shows. I seriously hope Maisarah and Felina are wrong and that the Writers Strike doesn't affect this show....I GET IT ALREADY HOW IMPORTANT YOU ALL ARE!!! COME BACK!!!! PLEASE!!!
Wei Zhong called during his internship office hours.
Hey, I'm going to ask you something
Orite. Shoot.
Do you care about the US elections?
No. Not really. Actually just a bit. I can't participate so heck care what goes on in US. The only people I support are Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama...cos he's hot ( omgosh, I can't believe I just said that! Must be because of those youtube vids)
Ok. Haha...
Why do you think George Bush isn't running this time round...
Cos he *****. TOOTs.
Do you know if Barack Obama comes from the Republican party or the Democrats
[ don't rmb what I said here but I got it wrong]
Do you know how Hilary Clinton and Bill Clinton are related?
Duh! who doesn't know? They're husband and wife.
how many parties are running for elections?
You just told me! Democrats and Republicans.
Correct. Haha
Who won the state of Iowa?
I don't know but I'm going to guess...Barack Obama?
Correct.
Woo hoo!
Ok thanks Safiah...
Right.
Now I'm thinking...i really want Barack Obama to win. Syahidah ah...convinced me.
Labels: IN CROWD, innermost thoughts, PAE, TPJC, US politics
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6:54 pm
even though i have decided to stop
i keep learning something new about you
it humours me to know that
you complain about not having a social life
but in fact you do and it's bombastic
while i spend my after-hours putting something into good use,
i thank you because starting right now
i want to be better than you
ALWAYS be better than you
for now, i AM better than you
but since you are in an institute which promises a future of glory,
No one can deny the fact that you WILL be SUCCESSFUL
But no one will predict that I will be the BEST.
THIS IS MY PROMISE TO MY FUTURE
Labels: innermost thoughts
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7:06 pm
stopping the pricks.
falling down ur face.
try ur best to avoid
this no fun place.
the lines have broken.
she's in pain as always.
what can you do.
you're a big disgrace.
ure so selfish.
she's on the bed.
a hundred thoughts and feelings
going through your head.
she sighs. you sighs
she's sad. you hate.
what's to be done? what's to be done?
no purpose. no fun.
no direction. no game.
each weekend, all night- same.
tv. internet.
books. magazine. friends.
she blames. you accuse
misunderstanding occurs.
you do what you gotta do.
you make no excuses.
you don't spill time.
you're a bearer of the hour.
you think hard and long.
what's the root of this difficult equation.
alas you must admit.
money is the root of all evil.
and SNAP you are helpless.
count the ways
to invest time
all is boring.
nothing's fine.
sometimes you wish,
you weren't born in this place.
but hold that thought again.
thankfulness just has to intrude.
you can't help but feel bad inside.
can't stop from feeling bad about feeling bad.
she lies on the bed.
always sick always sick.
do what you should.
do what they say.
you try to speak.
but silence fills ur lungs.
you do what you like best,
but something always comes to put you to the test.
the rest comes to rest.
you think they should be the one responsible.
to do something.
better than this crap.
but let's just wait.
come a new day.
come a new face.
we'll see surprises and joy.
hope and happiness.
i can't wait.
be strong girl.
Labels: innermost thoughts, poems
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7:19 pm
