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LAPTOP!!!
violin lessons
slippers
shoes LIFE LISTx)
write a HIT book
travel all over the world
buy a yacht
own a company
scuba dive
volunteer with Riding for the Disabled Assoc.
swing hits ground feet scratches dirt face looks down gradual darkness
noisy noisy bee box no air glum heart plum juice shut down despair
one question true white intentions mixed with time ripe
silent request to the universe boomerang bang this need fulfilled a pure vessel of origin: heart
vague bonds grow stronger surer glass wiped
drift off again swing up again a soul has changed thank you, friend.
~Nur Safiah
Sylvia Plath has influenced me in more ways than I thought she did. Haiz... This poem shouldn't be a poem if real poems are defined as what they are from what I read.
I am still really really thankful for the friends I have and how they all pop in at the right times. For those who have exited the door instead or somehow just faded away, I find that I miss some of them. They proved themselves worthy of being called a friend at one point of time.
I'm still thinking about friends aren't I.
FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS...
I guess somehow, the right ones show up at the right time, when you need them the most. I hope I do appear at the right times too (:
Well, Happy Youth Day then. I did tick off a lot of things from my to-do list.
What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal. @ 10:37 pm
From Childe Harold's Pilgrimage Canto IV, Verse 178
CLXXVIII.
There is a pleasure in the pathless woods, There is a rapture on the lonely shore, There is society where none intrudes, By the deep Sea, and music in its roar: I love not Man the less, but Nature more, From these our interviews, in which I steal From all I may be, or have been before, To mingle with the Universe, and feel What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.
- George Gordon, Lord Byron
Into The Hour
I have come into the hour of a white healing. Grief's surgery is over and I wear The scar of my remorse and of my feeling.
I have come into a sudden sunlit hour When ghosts are scared to comers. I have come Into the time when grief begins to flower
Into a new love. It had filled my room Long before I recognised it. Now I speak its name. Grief finds its good way home.
The apple-blossom's handsome on the bough And Paradise spreads round. I touch its grass. I want to celebrate but don't know how.
I need not speak though everyone I pass Stares at me kindly. I would put my hand Into their hands. Now I have lost my loss
In some way I may later understand. I hear the singing of the summer grass. And love, I find, has no considered end,
Nor is it subject to the wilderness Which follows death. I am not traitor to A person or a memory. I trace
Behind that love another which is running Around, ahead. I need not ask its meaning.
- Elizabeth Jennings
I've just highlighted the parts which I really like. :)
to say so much and still hide everything (this is why i love poetry) @ 9:12 pm
I Leave This at Your Ear (For Nessie Dunsmuir)
I leave this at your ear for when you wake, A creature in its abstract cage asleep. Your dreams blindfold you by the light they make.
The owl called from the naked-woman tree As I came down by the Kyle farm to hear Your house silent by the speaking sea.
I have come late but I have come before Later with slaked steps from stone to stone To hope to find you listening for the door.
I stand in the ticking room. My dear, I take A moth kiss from your breath. The shore gulls cry, I leave this at your ear for when you wake.
- W.S. Graham
somewhere i have never travelled
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond any experience, your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility: whose texture compels me with the colour of its countries, rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens; only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands
- e.e. cummings
1, 2, 3 see i'm blown away. see i'm forever changed.
bloody men are like bloody buses... who's got that poem? ok this is RANDOM.
ahhahaahaha
i so completely agree with that poem... go find it on your own.
i am so lazy to find it.
wait. I AM A NICE GIRL. soooo....
Bloody men ! Wendy Cope, 1945-
Bloody men are like bloody buses You wait for about a year And as soon as one approaches your stop Two or three others appear.
You look at them flashing their indicators, Offering you a ride. You're trying to read the destinations, You haven't much time to decide.
If you make a mistake, there is no turning back. Jump off, and you'll stand there and gaze While the cars and the taxis and lorries go by And the minutes, the hours, the days.
hahha...it is very nice talking to the people who are very nice to talk to. GEDDIT? i shan't elaborate. I think I am on a high. I may very well be on a high. A high to Tampines, Pasir Ris, Bedok Reservoir.
Ok that part will be foreign to you if you're not studying Sylvia Plath. Which most of you aren't. SO! I just did a parody...
ahaiz...tmr during the long break and lunch...i shall gobbledygoo up my food and add the finishing touches to my Lit Essay Assignment 1. No maybe I'll that AFTER school since deadline is at 5pm. OK. Then I'll print all the Sylvia Plath poems which are not in my collection currently (GRR can't wait to get the book) cos I can't print it at home. AND MAYBE...I'll have time to study Human Geog on the bus and during 1h 40 mins break....PLEASE LET ME PASSSS!!!!
Thanks for your concern. I keep breaking promises. Almost an hour late. SHALL SLEEP NOW. I know you're purposely bullying me! HEH...
Please keep me smiling before I go to sleep everyday. THANK YOU. I don't ask for much. ( :
YOUR WELCOME WEI SHAN. Haiz...don't be like that anymore in school ok. Less than 2 years goes by very fast and you can do whatever you want. Just purge away that record and be hidden from your teachers' eyes...unless what you do is super ta-da outstanding. I'll see you for Netball Carnival. CANNOT WAIT!!! hee...
p.s. the tagboard is screwed. cannot write more than 25 characters??? arggs. and..it deleted the whole tags up till fatmah's in january...so like...2 months plus of tags! haiz...there goes Daryl's only tag. and Jonathan's only tag...haiz...and all my faved ppl..okok..STOP MOURNING SAFIAH..they're only tags! hahahas....still...AYO TECHNOLOGY!!!
xoxo N U R S A F I A H i'm happy for me you're happy for you i haven't found close friends this fast i haven't found close friends this true
I have learned that if you must leave a place That you have lived in and loved, And where all of your yesterdays are buried deep - Leave it any way except slow; Leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and believe that an hour you remember Is a better hour because it is dead. Past years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, While the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance. The cloud clears though, as you enter it. I have learned this, but like everyone, I learned it late.
haha...i don't know if this is the real translation, i just happened to see it after seeing the video. It's a really nice and simple song. Now I always sing it with Samantha or Xavier. And when I sang the first part of the chorus, which is the only part I know, Martin asked me if I'm really NOT Chinese. HAHAHA. Which reminds me that Sean just asked me if I'm half Chinese. HEHX.
constant playback known presence stops when i pick up my violin
The meaning is really pretty...
Qian Li Zhi Wai by Jay Chou
Awake from the dream, who stands near the window and opened (our/the) ending chapter? The future that is thinner than the wings of a cicada, cannot handle the opening from anyone.
The roof feels like the edge of the cliff, The wind bell sounds like the endless ocean, I waited for the swallow to come back. Time is being arranged (by fate) to perform a coincidence, and you are leaving quietly.
The story is located outside of the city, the mist isn't cleared, (I am) unable to see (your) reply. You did not hear, wind does not exist, it was my sigh.
I walked with you until you left, outside of thousands of miles, you have no replies. In this silent dynasty, maybe I should not fall in love from a distance. I walked with you until you left, outside of the end of the sky, are you still there? Where is the sound of the instrument from? How can I predict whether you are alive? I will use my lifetime, to wait.
With a full set of white clothing, transparenting(??) my sadness about your spotless love. You came from rain, poetically converting my sadness, I stayed in that rain (till) now. Flowers can still be picked from the lake, the shadow of the boat still remains, but you will not come back. (These things are) being dusted with time, the blossom you mentioned, became an empty promise.
how poignant and...
XOXO N U R S A F I A H loves her violin again
P.S. I met Najihah yesterday, somehow she made me realise that it'll all be allright soon. Thanks Naj. And YES we found our poem book! YAY!!!
P.P.S Econs notes and Geog notes and havn't finish Sylvia Plath YET! GRRR...i hate myself now.
BOTERO! His work, his signature! haha...did we misuse his statue, Shahini? haha oh maaan.
hahaha..love love love
Updates about each other rocks. Haha. All the "WHAT? MAN? GOSH!" Food. Drinks. Calls. Cajun. Step up 2! Lyana is RIGHT it rocks! haha..oklah...i like the fact that it's a continuation, not just a spin off or a repetition. Rawking.
SHAHINI, thanks for taking the time to go out together. I FORGOT to bring my vouchers! GRR...there goes my 2 bucks!
I saw Jaye! Who was supposed to meet Syafiqah who is always MIA. Hahaah...
It was a dreary day, cold and grey. I'm sorry if there are too many poems. Haha. It may be due to the fact that I start taking Literature, and no more SCIENCE subjects. WOO HOO.
Sean makes it sound like I'll be burying myself a grave by the middle of the year. Look at all of them walking zombies. Hee...
Right now, I want to see Najihah. :) Hopefully I can go her house tomorrow. I think I shall not watch Leap Years tomorrow. Even though it's 6 bucks only...GRR. ___
trying to clap with one hand gets tiring, cos there's no sound. searching through the list gets tiring i should know you're always not around
why should i bother again and again last chance; next week in the morning rain
fate's there, so are choices recurrence of the faces too bad you didn't know this let's have a happy end.
i feel like throwing up random song lines. Potential song lines. Song lines that would never make it. So here goes:
1. I saw you in the waves You needed to be saved Maybe you were trying To make me feel so brave
2. Blue moon you saw me standing alone Without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own Say it's only a paper moon, Sailing over a cardboard sea But it wouldn't be make believe, If you'd believe in me
3. Feelings are meant to be felt. Actions mostly follow feelings. I'll choose to let the feeling wash over me. I'll be the sandy coast. It is the sea.
There. Right there. It hurts. Let's just wait it out. I'll be the sandy coast. It is the sea.
It'll be over soon. I'll forget everything soon. I'll be the sandy coast. It is the sea.
How can I let this go? It used to be part of me. A starfish on my sandy coast. Brought to me by the sea.
Let go starfish. Let go. Don't cling on to me. I want a fresh sandy coast. Return to the sea.
Everything could be so easy. Full of laughter. Carefree. You just had to bring me down Acting so gloomy.
Life is what it is, starfish. Don't cling on to what used to be. Move on with your life, starfish. Return to the sea.
Everything you wanted. Everything you thought that could be Is possible and not just a wish if only you returned to the sea.
I feel so alone now. How can this be? Did I want the starfish to stay? That starfish in the sea?
I thought I was so sure what I wanted and what I wished to be. I wanted to be the sandy coast. with the sea washing over me.
4. It happens again. Same story different characters. I'm trying so hard not to let the end repeat itself. I'm trying so hard not to say Goodbye Forever. Because I know how it makes you feel. I've been on the other end. But is it worth it? Is this worth it? Should I stick with it? It better be good this time. Better be. Enough with your stories.
Hear mine.
______
End of random outpouring.
What in the world is my subject and point at no. 3? I was just writing away...Typing what sounds nice and appropriate to what I'm feeling. Hehx. Poetry speaks out more than prose I guess...anyone care to analyse my poem #3?
i shall not blog about the first 2 days at MJC ok. Cos they were very boring and me, XTINA and HOON could only talk about how much we miss TPJC. We crashed TPJC twice. Wednesday and Friday. The only other Cedarians that I could bear to see besides Muhaina was Husna and Maisarah. I don't know lah. I don't know why I don't feel like seeing the other Cedarians even though they always sit together in one big blue lump. I guess I feel like clinging to the bits of TPJC in my life.
Friday was Staff Wellbeing day at MJC so we came to TPJC. I went to collect my new passport and then met Xtina at 3.00 pm. Went around seeing friends I made. Zahida! Hamaizah! Syahida! Jethro! Went to Shooting Range and saw Wee Shiun. Tried to shoot. Did not hit the target at all. Not even a 1. Wee Shiun asked my "trainer" ..."How? THis girl can make it or not?" Showed my card to Mr Sum who we met after that and he said "innacurate and not precise!" haha. Failure. Daryl made me angry and upset and I still don't know why I bother to try. Sometimes I feel dissapointed with him but he said Sorry so just accept it lah hor. So now I just won't try anymore ok Daryl. See how you are first.
Xtina, me and Daryl left at 5 pm. Took 293. Me and Xtina alighted at interchange. Daryl went home. The first time I went shopping with money and a purpose: Shoes and Bag! Converse for both of us. Mine cost $59.90 and Xtina's cost $69.90. Then we hurried to Zinc. Went in and straightaway,
salesboy: What kind of bags are you looking for? me: Totebag with sling (VERY SURE VOICE) like the one I'm carrying. salesboy: for school isit? to fit a4 size? me: Ya. salesboy: I see you just bought new shoes so you're buying a new bag too lah? me: Ya. salesboy: *scans the racks* Ok I think this one should do? me: *takes and puts it on shoulder* Do you have a mirror? salesboy: over there. *points* me: *walks and sees meself in mirror* Hmm..not bad. You have good taste. salesboy: Yes I know *smiles* me: let me see other bags first....this one how xtina can? *points to another bag with many compartments* salesboy: this one too slouchy. later your papers all become dog-eared. Also got many zips...like ah ma lah. me: Hmm..ya this one boy's point of view must take into consideration. OK this bag very nice how much isit? salesboy: $49.90 me: HARR...quite above my budget. salesboy: If you add 10 cents i can make you a member. me: OOPS, I'm already a member but I don't have the card right now! Aiyahh...if like this I go home tommorow I come back and buy. salesboy: nvm lah i give u $45. Can oredi me: WOOTS! THANKS
i think he's a really really nice person. A very very good salesperson who is not that bad looking. MORE SALESPERSON SHOULD BE LIKE THIS! He's not so intimidating see...even Christina agrees.
Then hurried back to TPJC for a rawking performance! Jonathan was really rocking it our on the drums and guitar. We called his name and he saw us and give a grin to us. Earlier he was busking for money outside Guitar Booth. Meono me did not give him anything. Found out that he has a REAL left ear piercing. Naughty naughty Jonathan, HAHA. I felt like a cat burglar on tip toes when I went in the gate!
After this, ate at Macs. Where my new shoe got stomped on a lot by Hamaizah. AGGH HAMMY!!!! Also, where Gabriel (the J2 /BCME/ 4 H2/ ex-CCHS) thought that ALLAH and HALAL was the same. See ! It's good that we made him realise that it's not! I didn't know there were such people in the world! :) Gabriel is another person who was so surprised when he knew my name. He thought I was Chinese...HEHX.
me n Hao Jun. Gabriel says he's the Emo King. Daryl is the Emo God.
Najihah says I enjoyed first intake more than hers at MI. I really did...but I really want life to go back to normal. HURRY orientation over lahh...start study, start school...
This is one of the random acts of coming up with a poem. Spur of the moment. I've been inspired lately...How do I know? It's been a long time since I came up with a poem...2 years I think. Maybe more. Thanks for being my inspiration.
Don't worry, I'll be happy It's you I worry about Don't worry about you? How can this be true?
I promise you I will be. Will you promise me the same too?
Fragile and white Fragile and white I used to think of you Everyday and night
Every minute of the day Time passes away Every minute of today Heart and soul wishes to stay
This hurts the most. Not being close. Having so much to say. Watching you push myself away.
How did we get so close? Think. Think. I can't remember.
How did we came to be? Think. Think. Can you find the answer?
law of attraction: rocks, proven method I woke up feeling happy. And even though two things happened, it did not deter my happiness. At the end of the day, the rain made me cool.
You made me hide myself Put a mask across my face Cos you sometimes think that prettiness is all that matters
I don't weigh you with the blame But you really put me to shame Cos you're smart and you face pretty in the mirror
I wanted to get to know you I start to peel myself But still the soldiers guard my walls
I asked them why they are there They said "Safiah, please beware." But to them I didn't give a freaking care.
Now I know. Now I know. You told me plain as day. That my mask on me must stay.
I can't show. Who I really am. I can't tell you Cos you don't wanna give a damn.
But I know who will accept me as I am sometimes with sadness or with pain.
cos they still know, that this is me that's who I am they can't change me
Anything will come and go but my rocks will always be there.
Now I know. You're just a flitting swan. Come and go.
No impression have you left on me. Still people strive to want you to be with them. Cos you have everything they want it's all on the surface.
Didn't you say yourself. No matter we are You'll be there
and now, the answer to your question is I DO NOT. as i do them
When you're with me Expect the unexpected If you can't then girl See that sign it's called EXIT.
I don't miss you. I won't save you. I won't miss you. I'll not save you.
BOTERO! His work, his signature! haha...did we misuse his statue, Shahini? haha oh maaan.
hahaha..love love love
me n Hao Jun. Gabriel says he's the Emo King. Daryl is the Emo God.